There are certain unspoken rules and dance steps that we are all expected to know and follow without fail. A drum beat marking time rhythmically; constantly changing to mark the new steps and tempo known to all that hear. To one like me though, that drum is non-existant or at least it is muted, over-ridden by other sounds to the point of uselessness.
In the perspective of all others surrounding, those to whom the drum is clearly guiding, people in my situation seem blatantly and maliciously blocking the flow of the dance. I don't speak of those who "dance to the beat of a different drummer." Signifying that they live life with a creative zeal that carries them to different paths than others in life for they still follow the same set standards of interaction that governs social interactions. They, while following their own path in life, act more like a carefully planned counter point. These care outwardly when care or sympathy is called for, they rejoice in the subtle and simplistic successes that call for individual recognition. Furthermore, they do this all with a natural grace and aptitude that all but projects the image, when contrasted with the rest of the world, of two ball room dancers long in their carrier, swirling and twirling around each other synchronized and unified.
No it is not the "different drummer" dancers of whom I speak and idolize. It is of us others who despite desperately searching and seeking that guiding drum beat, can't to save our lives hear and follow. One around us is sad, boom ba boom, a drum beat heard by all and lost to one such as I. Change to mad: ta ta ta ti ti ta, might as well be miles away across many hills and forests to boot.
My crowded seclusion: being the last to know the welfare of those in front of me and being thought the heartless fool for not having done anything to help or the cynical or arrogant jerk for not celebrating as occasion or "drum beat" demands.
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